10. Stop checking my friend's wives
9. Give up on Bobby Fischer's return.... to sanity
8. Crush six-year-old niece
7. No more "fun" bishop promotions
6. Teach dog chess
5. Beat dog in chess
4. Quit hopping down the street like a Knight
3. Limit bathroom breaks to twenty per game
2. Renew USCF membership
1. Lose fifty pounds, gain fifty rating points

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